I learned a new word this week – which proves you can teach an old dog new tricks. The word is “friendsgiving.” I first heard it on the radio, then found it online. And not just the word, but numerous applications of it: greeting cards, party games, and snacks. While the last application – snacks – did draw my interest, it was the meaning and concept of the term that got me thinking.
So, just what is friendsgiving? As I understand it, it’s meant to be an alternative to Thanksgiving: instead of gathering with all your relatives to eat a big turkey dinner (and then fall asleep on the couch while watching football), you get together with your friends – hence the name. It’s become popular among Millennials as a way to spend time with friends you want to spend time with, rather than with family you are expected to be with. As a negative, it’s opting out of what to many has become an old-fashioned, meaningless expectation; as a positive, it’s an affirmation of one’s friends. Besides, there’s that old “politically incorrect” thing with Pilgrims and Indians.
So what do I think of “friendsgiving?” other than, “There go those Millennials again!”?
1. First of all, let’s talk about friends and friendship. I think it’s great to affirm one’s friends – if they really are true friends. I doubt that everyone who “friends” you on social media can really be counted in that category. As Charles Schulz expressed it in a Peanuts cartoon, “A friend is someone who says nice things about you when you’re not around.” (Thanks to reader and friend Dave for sending me that note!)
Or, better put, the Bible calls a friend someone “who is as your own soul” (Deuteronomy 13:6). The prime example it gives is the relationship between David and King Saul’s son, Jonathan: 1 Samuel 18:1 says “the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” Now, that’s friendship! Certainly, friendship is marked by enjoyment of another person’s company, but to me the test of friendship is how much one is willing to give up for the sake of the other person. Would you give up your time, your money, your opportunities, for a friend? Jesus put it in ultimate terms: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
Of course, it’s important to choose one’s friends carefully. Hanging around with the wrong crowd can get you into trouble, as peer pressure can get a person to do just about anything, even knowing it’s wrong. We know this is true from experience – ours and others’ – and from Scripture, which warns repeatedly against falling in with the wrong friends. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.'” and in Proverbs 13:20 we read, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Then there’s that warning in James 4:4 against making friends with the world: “Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have friends while we live in this world; it means we should not put acceptance by and conformity with the world ahead of our love for God.
The Bible calls the very special relationship we have with God, friendship. Jesus spoke of it immediately after speaking of dying for one’s friends. His next sentence (John 15:14) was, “You are my friends if you do what I command you.” He also called his disciples, “friends,” when teaching them. We understand that it is in Christ that we become friends with God, but even the Old Testament speaks of such a special friendship: Psalm 25:14 says, “The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him.” It’s wonderful for God to consider us as his friends, just as it’s wonderful that he calls us his children (John 1:12)! The difference is that as followers of Christ, our friendship with God is not between two equals, as it is between two earthly friends, but between an all-powerful Creator and his subjects. We never become gods, but the image of God in us is restored, and friendship is now possible. We now can enjoy a special bond with our Lord, a relationship such as God had with Moses: “Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend” (Exodus 33:11).
All told, friends are good to have, and to celebrate. Earthly friends are a joy, especially true friends, and it’s good to treasure those relationships, but the greatest friendship we can have is with God himself. Earthly friends come and go, and can sometimes let us down or turn against us. But our special friendship with God will be an eternal one. As the gospel song proclaims, “What a friend we have in Jesus!”*
2. Second, what about the “giving thanks” part? My major issue with the whole “friendsgiving” thing is that it substitutes having fun with friends (which one can do any day of the year) for a special time set aside for thanking God for his blessings. From:
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- the inception of a day of thanksgiving in 1621 observed by those un-P.C. Pilgrims who thanked God for getting them through a brutal and deadly winter,
- to George Washington proclaiming a national day of thanksgiving in 1789 (“Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor . . .),
- to Lincoln’s proclamation in 1863 even in the midst of the Civil War,
- to the current observance established by Congress in 1942,
the focus of the Thanksgiving holiday has always been to thank God for his blessings: for harvest, for peace, for protection of our nation, for family, for friends (yes), and especially for the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. Thanksgiving has morphed into a secular holiday filled with food and football and family – all good things – and preparation for Black Friday sales, but along the way, the reason for the season has been set aside (sound familiar?). God has blessed us with such bounty that we have come to focus on the blessings rather than the Blesser:
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- We fill our plates with so much to eat, forgetting “the mighty power of God that filled the earth with food.”**
- We enjoy watching football, ignoring the One who washed his disciples’ feet just hours before his death.
- We fall asleep on the couch as did the disciples in Gethsemane, who could not stay awake one hour to pray with their Lord (Mark 14:37).
- We (usually) enjoy friends and family, forgetting that we are called to be God’s friends and have been adopted into his family. As Jesus said in Matthew 12:48-49, “’Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers!'”
- We get excited about spending money on Black Friday sales, ignoring the One who was sold for pieces of silver to die on Good Friday, by which he purchased our forgiveness and eternal life.
- We stay home for “more important” things, skipping Thanksgiving Day worship services; when we could focus our vague ideas of thankfulness onto the God to whom we must surely give thanks, who has given us the life, the bounty, and the ability to enjoy such a holiday.
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It’s because of what God has done for us, and because of our need to recognize the source of all our blessings, that I would never want to give up Thanksgiving Day for “friendsgiving” or anything similar. We owe it to God to thank him every day, so why give up the one day we make a point of doing just that? To God be the glory, and our thankfulness, forever and ever! Amen.
Now may the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Amen.
Read: Matthew 12:46-50, 1 Samuel 18:1-5
*”What a Friend We Have in Jesus” by Joseph M. Scriven, 1855
**”I Sing the Mighty Power of God” by Isaac Watts, 1715